I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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