dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
