Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
