i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
