So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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