So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
