You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
