tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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