I bet he comes in French.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
