Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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