Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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