No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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