OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
