"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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