What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
