I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
