Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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