Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
