"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
