Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
