i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
vagina is talking i cant
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
