Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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