how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
