he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
