I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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