life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
