Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize