I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
