Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
