no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
