Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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