No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
