His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
