I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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