Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have aggressive nipples.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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