And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
