It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
