well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
