Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
