You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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