she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
