my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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