So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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