but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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