I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
