haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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