Got a toothbrush?
I puked a lego.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
