if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
