So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish i was in the wii world.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
