Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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