He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
