I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
