Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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