too bad you live with your parents still
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize