wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
