im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
