And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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