i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
