As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
there is glitter all over my balls
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
