i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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