At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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