Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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