i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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