He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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