Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
