ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
