TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
