Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
