That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
