do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
