just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
