just come out here and I will go home with you...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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