hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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