I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
