and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
