When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
