i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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