I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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