I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
