do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
