you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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