yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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