eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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