Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
