yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
