Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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