It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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