sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
