He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize